The warning signs of abuse
“Why Does He Do That?” - Lundy BancroftFor anon who asked me for a list of red flags
“3. If it happens a third time, or if he switches to other behaviors that are warning flags, chances are great that he has an abuse problem. If you give him too many chances, you are likely to regret it later.
Finally, be aware that as an abuser begins his slide into abuse, he believes that you are the one who is changing. His perceptions work this way because he feels so justified in his actions that he can’t imagine the problem might be with him. All he notices is that you don’t seem to be living up to his image of the perfect, all-giving, deferential woman.“
Regarding the last point, that’s where you might believe him, even just a little bit, and get yourself caught in a dynamic of trying to correct and improve yourself and give more to the relationship, instead of realising that he is abusing you and you need to just get out.
Link to pdf
Also, you know, it’s your life. If he exhibits any of those things, feel free to leave him immediately without even giving him the chance to do it again. It might make your dating pool a lot more shallow, but who cares?